Why you wont Survive

8 Reasons why you will not survive the Zombie Apocalypse

1. You are not physically fit.

According to the American Obesity Association, approximately 127 million adults in the U.S. are overweight, 60 million obese, and 9 million severely obese. If you’re one if these people then prepare to die. To survive the Zombie Apocalypse, one must escape and evade from the clutches of the undead. Do you have enough stamina to outrun them? Is your body strong enough to handle obstacles along the way? If not, then hit the freaking gym! Or just… die.

2. You don’t have a weapon.

So you decided to fight off 30 zombies with your bare hands. Glad you’re dead.

3. You are not at home.

Our homes are our personal fortress. There’s no other place you would rather be. If the zombie apocalypse happens, the first thing that will cross your mind is to get home. Believe me, getting home during the zombie apocalypse is a bitch. Chances are, you will die.

4. You don’t have friends.

So you are the anti-social type who wants to be left alone. It’s you versus the fucking zombie world. Good luck. 

5. You lack survival instincts.

Everyone has it. It’s in each and everyones genetic blueprint. But because you are such a soft, sissy, little princess, expect to die early in the zombie apocalypse.

6. Poor disaster preparations.

You’ve been a victim of hurricanes, typhoons, earthquakes, and other natural disasters. Why? Because you weren’t prepared. Your government wasn’t prepared. Then the zombie apocalypse came. Still, you didn’t prepare. Die.

7. You play too much zombie video games.

Video games like Left 4 Dead, Dead Rising, and Resident Evil are good zombie games. They are like zombie survival simulators. But do they really teach you how to survive the zombie apocalypse? No. There are no fucking respawns, random first aid kits/health packs/potions, random guns and ammo, and freaking unlockables in the real zombie apocalypse. Die, nerd/geek/gamer.

8. You are not open to the possibility of a Zombie Apocalypse.

Zombies may be fiction… for now. But imagine the horror if it becomes true. People usually die by not expecting the unexpected.